Lindy S. Diffenbaugh asked:
Emotional Abuse in marital relationships is very difficult to clearly define and understand. It is clear and undeniable when there is physical abuse in a marriage. When a woman (or in some cases, a man) is hit, she knows she has been abused. Emotional abuse is much more subtle and in many ways more damaging. This is true because emotional abuse cuts deep and goes right to the soul of a human being. Whether we recognize it or not and whether it is crystal clear to the undiscerning mind, it is a fact that emotional abuse in marriages is alive and well and could be living in your marriage. You can bet that if emotional abuse goes undetected in a marriage, then that marriage will not stand the test of time unless it is clearly defined and effectively dealt with.
The signs and symptoms of emotional abuse are subtle and not always recognizable, but overtime this type of emotional rage can suck the life out of the victim before they can ever recognize that they are a victim. Very often the victim of the abuse starts to feel like they want out of the marriage. They cannot put their finger on the problem because by anybody’s standards their spouse is doing everything right. They work hard and bring home a regular paycheck, they have been faithful to the marriage, and they are a good parent to the children. The victim on the other hand does not feel that they have lived up to the expectations in the marriage. They feel guilty and inadequate on every level and feel that they have failed to meet even the smallest expectations in the marital relationship.
I believe that the most obvious reason that it is difficult to clearly recognize emotional abuse in marital relationships is that the damage that is done cuts right to the soul. There is no blood, no broken bones, and no bruises. A victim of emotional abuse does not recognize who they are. They are confused about who they thought they were, who they are supposed to be, and why they always fail to meet the mark in the marriage, home, and family. They feel trapped in the marriage and in their own skin. They feel as if they are worthless and somehow less than human.
Because of the vast range of emotions and emotional reactions in people, it is difficult to create a list of behaviors and factors that motivate the actions of someone who has contributed to the oppression and the insidious destruction that overwhelms the unsuspecting victim of emotional abuse. It is important to keep in mind that the primary goal that motivates the abuser is a driving need to be in control. They are insecure, overwhelmed by their own inadequacies, and they operate on gross distortions in their belief system as they relate to their partner in marriage. If the abuser can control their spouse and keep them off-balance emotionally, then they feel like their spouse will never find the personal strength to leave the marriage.
While this list is not all-inclusive, here are a few things to look for in your spouse’s behavior to define more clearly emotional abuse and determine if it is operating in your marriage. The abuser intimidates and creates fear, guilt, pity, or anger in the victim. The goal of these tactics is to make the victim feel vulnerable, unprotected, and helpless. This creates a dependence on the abuser and decreases the chance that the victim will have the confidence to lose the false- security that they have found in the marriage. Verbal shame that humiliates the victim is also a common tactic used by the abuser. A need for the abuser to control the victim’s schedule, relationships with family and friends, and finances are powerful tactics that will leave a person helpless and dependent on the abuser.
As you read this article you may have found symptoms and tactics that are actively in play in your marriage. If that is the case, let me encourage you to seek counsel from a competent counselor immediately. There is a very good chance that you are the victim of emotional abuse and your marriage is on a destructive course. Check out my resource box for more help.
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Emotional Abuse in marital relationships is very difficult to clearly define and understand. It is clear and undeniable when there is physical abuse in a marriage. When a woman (or in some cases, a man) is hit, she knows she has been abused. Emotional abuse is much more subtle and in many ways more damaging. This is true because emotional abuse cuts deep and goes right to the soul of a human being. Whether we recognize it or not and whether it is crystal clear to the undiscerning mind, it is a fact that emotional abuse in marriages is alive and well and could be living in your marriage. You can bet that if emotional abuse goes undetected in a marriage, then that marriage will not stand the test of time unless it is clearly defined and effectively dealt with.
The signs and symptoms of emotional abuse are subtle and not always recognizable, but overtime this type of emotional rage can suck the life out of the victim before they can ever recognize that they are a victim. Very often the victim of the abuse starts to feel like they want out of the marriage. They cannot put their finger on the problem because by anybody’s standards their spouse is doing everything right. They work hard and bring home a regular paycheck, they have been faithful to the marriage, and they are a good parent to the children. The victim on the other hand does not feel that they have lived up to the expectations in the marriage. They feel guilty and inadequate on every level and feel that they have failed to meet even the smallest expectations in the marital relationship.
I believe that the most obvious reason that it is difficult to clearly recognize emotional abuse in marital relationships is that the damage that is done cuts right to the soul. There is no blood, no broken bones, and no bruises. A victim of emotional abuse does not recognize who they are. They are confused about who they thought they were, who they are supposed to be, and why they always fail to meet the mark in the marriage, home, and family. They feel trapped in the marriage and in their own skin. They feel as if they are worthless and somehow less than human.
Because of the vast range of emotions and emotional reactions in people, it is difficult to create a list of behaviors and factors that motivate the actions of someone who has contributed to the oppression and the insidious destruction that overwhelms the unsuspecting victim of emotional abuse. It is important to keep in mind that the primary goal that motivates the abuser is a driving need to be in control. They are insecure, overwhelmed by their own inadequacies, and they operate on gross distortions in their belief system as they relate to their partner in marriage. If the abuser can control their spouse and keep them off-balance emotionally, then they feel like their spouse will never find the personal strength to leave the marriage.
While this list is not all-inclusive, here are a few things to look for in your spouse’s behavior to define more clearly emotional abuse and determine if it is operating in your marriage. The abuser intimidates and creates fear, guilt, pity, or anger in the victim. The goal of these tactics is to make the victim feel vulnerable, unprotected, and helpless. This creates a dependence on the abuser and decreases the chance that the victim will have the confidence to lose the false- security that they have found in the marriage. Verbal shame that humiliates the victim is also a common tactic used by the abuser. A need for the abuser to control the victim’s schedule, relationships with family and friends, and finances are powerful tactics that will leave a person helpless and dependent on the abuser.
As you read this article you may have found symptoms and tactics that are actively in play in your marriage. If that is the case, let me encourage you to seek counsel from a competent counselor immediately. There is a very good chance that you are the victim of emotional abuse and your marriage is on a destructive course. Check out my resource box for more help.
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Tags: Marital Relationship, Paycheck, Symptoms Of Emotional Abuse
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