Nathalie Himmelrich asked:
One sure sign of a strong marriage is a couple’s tendency to glorify the struggles they have been through together. In relationship counselling, the couple’s way of describing their marriage portrays the health of their relationship.
During the first session in relationship counselling I ask the couple to share the story of how the met and tell me about their marriage. One partner starts by telling their version and the other partner listens. This in itself is an interesting exercise for couples to listen to the other partner’s view. After that I ask the second partner to fill in the gaps or add any of their stories.
Many couples have shared with me after that initial interview that they were moved by their partner’s way of sharing their story, which already supported their willingness to give the relationship another go.
John Gottman, in his studies of marital success, found that stable couples describe the marriage in terms of a worthwhile journey that brought them closer together. It is not that the couples that spoke highly of their marriage actually faced more troubles than less stable pairs, but they seem to gain more meaning and inspiration for their hardship then others.
Exercise: Tell Your Story
You and your partner can use this exercise to help you find more things to glorify in your marital story. The aim is to reinforce positive beliefs and feelings about your marriage. Remember that in this exercise seeing things in a positive light is what we are looking for.
Answer the questions for yourself first and then share with your partner.
1. How did you meet? What was your first impression of your partner? What did you most enjoy about the ‘honeymoon’ period of your relationship?
2. What do you remember about your dating period? Highlights, difficulties?
3. When and how did you decide to become engaged/married or move from dating to a more serious relationship?
4. How do you overcome differences?
5. What do you remember about your first year/years of marriage? How did you deal with getting used to being a married couple?
6. What moments stand out as fantastic times in your marriage?
7. What moments stand out as challenges and how did you manage to master them together?
8. What is different now than it was at the beginning of your relationship/marriage?
Use the answers to these questions as a base for a discussion between yourself and your partner.
Make this a game of finding the highlights in each other and the relationship.
Mortgage Finder
One sure sign of a strong marriage is a couple’s tendency to glorify the struggles they have been through together. In relationship counselling, the couple’s way of describing their marriage portrays the health of their relationship.
During the first session in relationship counselling I ask the couple to share the story of how the met and tell me about their marriage. One partner starts by telling their version and the other partner listens. This in itself is an interesting exercise for couples to listen to the other partner’s view. After that I ask the second partner to fill in the gaps or add any of their stories.
Many couples have shared with me after that initial interview that they were moved by their partner’s way of sharing their story, which already supported their willingness to give the relationship another go.
John Gottman, in his studies of marital success, found that stable couples describe the marriage in terms of a worthwhile journey that brought them closer together. It is not that the couples that spoke highly of their marriage actually faced more troubles than less stable pairs, but they seem to gain more meaning and inspiration for their hardship then others.
Exercise: Tell Your Story
You and your partner can use this exercise to help you find more things to glorify in your marital story. The aim is to reinforce positive beliefs and feelings about your marriage. Remember that in this exercise seeing things in a positive light is what we are looking for.
Answer the questions for yourself first and then share with your partner.
1. How did you meet? What was your first impression of your partner? What did you most enjoy about the ‘honeymoon’ period of your relationship?
2. What do you remember about your dating period? Highlights, difficulties?
3. When and how did you decide to become engaged/married or move from dating to a more serious relationship?
4. How do you overcome differences?
5. What do you remember about your first year/years of marriage? How did you deal with getting used to being a married couple?
6. What moments stand out as fantastic times in your marriage?
7. What moments stand out as challenges and how did you manage to master them together?
8. What is different now than it was at the beginning of your relationship/marriage?
Use the answers to these questions as a base for a discussion between yourself and your partner.
Make this a game of finding the highlights in each other and the relationship.
Mortgage Finder
Tags: Relationship Counselling, Tendency, Wisdom
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